I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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