Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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