Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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