So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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