It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
