woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
