I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
