If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
