And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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