Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
