I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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