I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
