sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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