I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
