I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
