Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
