She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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