I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
