So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is my life. Enjoy the view
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
