Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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