So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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