Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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