I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize