How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
