I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
