God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
