It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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