Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
