i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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