kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize