brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
