im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize