I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
