So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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