great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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