hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
