so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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