dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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