U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
