I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
