I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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