Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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