she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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