shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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