May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
