I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
