sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize