I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
