You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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