get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
