I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
