im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
