just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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