Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
