did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
