I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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