I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
