Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
