I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
