I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
