Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
