god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
